Daily Journal Living With A Narcissistic Shaming Jewish Mother September 26, 2025

Growing up with a narcissistic mother can feel like navigating a maze filled with emotional traps. Each turn can lead to confusion, hurt, and a longing for validation that often goes unfulfilled. In this diary, I will share my experiences, insights, and coping strategies that have helped me understand and manage my relationship with my mother.

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissism is more than just self-love. It is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Living with a narcissistic mother means that her needs often come first, leaving little room for your own feelings and desires.

As a child, I often felt invisible. My mother would dominate conversations, turning every topic back to herself. If I shared a story about my day, she would quickly shift the focus to her own experiences. This pattern left me feeling unheard and unimportant.

The Impact on Self-Esteem

Growing up in this environment can severely impact self-esteem. I often questioned my worth. Was I not interesting enough? Did I not deserve attention? These thoughts became a constant background noise in my mind.

I remember a specific incident during my high school graduation. Instead of celebrating my achievements, my mother spent the day talking about her own struggles and how she wished she had pursued a different career. I felt a mix of pride and disappointment. I had worked hard, yet her focus was elsewhere.

Coping Mechanisms

Over the years, I have developed several coping mechanisms to deal with the emotional challenges of having a narcissistic mother. Here are some strategies that have helped me:

Setting Boundaries

One of the most important lessons I learned was the necessity of setting boundaries. This means clearly defining what behaviors I will accept and what I will not. For example, I decided that I would no longer engage in conversations that turned into her monologues. If she began to dominate the discussion, I would politely excuse myself.

Seeking Support

Finding a support system is crucial. I sought out friends who understood my situation. Talking to others who have experienced similar relationships helped me feel less alone. I also found therapy to be a valuable resource. A therapist provided me with tools to navigate my feelings and helped me understand that my emotions were valid.

Practicing Self-Care

Self-care became a priority. I learned to engage in activities that brought me joy and relaxation. Whether it was reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, these moments helped me recharge and regain my sense of self.

The Role of Empathy

While it can be challenging to empathize with a narcissistic mother, understanding her background can provide some context. Many narcissists have experienced trauma or neglect in their own childhoods. This does not excuse their behavior, but it can help explain it.

I often remind myself that her actions are a reflection of her struggles, not mine. This perspective allows me to detach emotionally from her behavior, reducing its impact on my self-worth.

Celebrating Small Victories

In my journey, I learned to celebrate small victories. Each time I stood up for myself or set a boundary, I felt a sense of empowerment. These moments, though small, contributed to my overall growth and resilience.

For instance, I remember a family gathering where I chose to share my accomplishments instead of letting my mother overshadow them. When I received compliments from relatives, I felt a sense of pride that I had not experienced before.

Navigating Family Dynamics

Family gatherings can be particularly challenging. The dynamics often shift when a narcissistic mother is present. I learned to prepare myself mentally before these events.

Creating an Exit Strategy

Having an exit strategy is essential. I would plan how long I would stay and have a friend or family member on standby to call if I needed an escape. This gave me a sense of control over the situation.

Engaging in Small Talk

During gatherings, I found that engaging in small talk with other family members helped divert attention away from my mother. This allowed me to enjoy the event without feeling overwhelmed by her presence.

Finding Your Voice

Finding my voice was a significant turning point in my journey. I learned to express my feelings and needs assertively. This was not easy, especially when I had been conditioned to prioritize my mother's feelings over my own.

I remember a moment when I finally told my mother how her behavior affected me. I was nervous, but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. While her reaction was not what I had hoped for, I realized that my feelings mattered.

Embracing Independence

As I grew older, I began to embrace my independence. I moved out, pursued my passions, and built a life that was mine. This shift was liberating. I no longer felt tethered to my mother's expectations.

Building a New Narrative

I started to build a new narrative for myself. Instead of seeing myself through my mother's lens, I began to define my identity based on my values and achievements. This process took time, but it was essential for my healing.

The Journey Continues

Living with a narcissistic mother is a journey filled with ups and downs. There are days when I feel strong and empowered, and others when I struggle with old patterns.

Acknowledging Progress

It is important to acknowledge progress, no matter how small. Each step I take towards healing is a victory. I remind myself that it is okay to have setbacks, as long as I continue to move forward.

Finding Peace

Ultimately, finding peace within myself has been the most rewarding aspect of this journey. I have learned to accept my mother for who she is while also recognizing my worth.

Letting Go of Guilt

Letting go of guilt has been a significant part of my healing. I no longer feel responsible for my mother's happiness. This realization has freed me to pursue my own joy and fulfillment.

Moving Forward

As I continue to navigate my relationship with my mother, I remain committed to my growth. I know that I cannot change her, but I can change how I respond to her.

Embracing the Future

I look forward to the future with hope. I am excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. Each day is an opportunity to learn, grow, and embrace my true self.

A woman reflecting on her experiences in a serene environment.

In sharing my journey, I hope to inspire others who may be facing similar challenges. Remember, you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your journey is important. Embrace your strength, set your boundaries, and continue to grow. The path may be difficult, but the rewards are worth it.